I think I am OK now....

I have a DSW bag to breathe in and out of should I feel another "spell" coming on.

Yesterday Unfortunate Sharpie Girl went above and beyond the bounds of acceptability. She went proudly and then had the unmitigated gall to blame it on ME!

USG showed up yesterday wearing white pants. With no undergarments. Squick. To top that off, we could see her freakin' tattoo on her left cheek through the pants. I was nominated (why why why do I always pick rock when we are playing the rock-scissors-paper game? EVERYONE knows that - even I know that) to speak to her the whole thing. I think I handled it well. I just explained that I was sure that she had not checked her rear view on her way out the door this morning and had NO idea that we could see that she has a big ol' rose tattoed on her butt. She probably wanted to run over to Wal Mart or somewhere and pick up some panties so that would be covered up. She assured me that she did not know that one could see her butt, afterall she wears those pants all the time and no one has mentioned it before. My thought was "Of course not - the lighting is probably bad at the strip club you work at part-time." But she really took it all pretty well and off to Wal Mart she skipped.

She returned with leopard panties on. Under the white pants that we could see through.

The grasshoppers could hardly wait to get to me to fill me in on this. USG came by to proudly display that she is wearing panties. Not being the brightest bulb in the pack, I mentioned that while we cannot see her tattoo we can certainly tell that she was wearing leopard panties. Had she thought about getting nude colored panties?

This is what she said and you can't make this shit up:

"You wear leopard stuff. And besides, if I was going to get nude colored panties then what is the difference in just staying commando?"

It is all a blur after that. I do remember the grasshoppers administering shoe therapy and me babbling about leopard panties. How did USG equate my sassy leopard scarf tied to my straw bag with her leopard panties seen through the white pants? Is it possible that some people just flat pure D don't GET IT?

These people clearly should have never produced a child