Thursday, March 29, 2007

I have some things to tell you

I have been thinking about sparkley armpits (slow work week) and I have some other things that I think need to be clarified. Some things that I thought everyone knew but, apparently, no; these things must be put out there for the world to see and know. Or at least my office needs to know these things.

If you want to play the game, you have to dress in the uniform. That means:

no Hello Kitty purses
no crocs (I love my crocs, but I wear them at home and only at home.)
no clothes so tight I can make out the outline of your appendectomy scar
no flowers painted on your toenails
no playboy bunny ANY THING
no cleavage (boob or butt)
no flip flops with the strips of fabric tied around the straps

There are many other crimes against fashion but I am too depressed to go on with this list. The scary thing is that some of the above are all on the same person.

So now that we have covered appearance lets talk about things not to say out loud. Ever. But especially to your boss.

"Wow I am really tired, I didn't make it home til 6 this morning."
"You look really good for someone your age." Shockingly enough, this person still lives, breathes, and walks among us.
"Did I know that I was supposed to do that?"
"I am not really in the mood to work today." My personal favorite. It puts me in the mood to pull one's head off like a Barbie doll.

There are so many more that if I list them all I will just want to kill myself.

So my friends here it is: The part of the employee manual that is left out.


Lisa said...

My personal favorite recently was an employee telling me she was leaving at 2:30 for a hair appointment and would see me tomorrow. Now keep in mind I am the boss and I get mine done after work every 5 weeks. Yes she still works here, but her hair looks like crap!

TransplantedOkie said...

Isn't it a trip?!?

Erin said...

You forgot "Don't reply all and say your boss is a bitch"

That's an important one.