Saturday, December 10, 2005

I've been mauled!!!

OK - if you are a guy STOP READING NOW. None of it will make sense. Of course, it might help you to understand why women are as we are.

Ladies: I vote we all write Oprah and tell her "BOO." After watching her show, I determined that I needed to be "fit" for a bra. After all, OPRAH said it so it has to be. She has GOT to stop putting these ideas into our heads.

Well, I went to the local department store, innocently enough, and to the lingerie department. When the lady asked me what I was there for, I calmly (and like the adult I am) explained that I would like to be fit for a bra. In fact, I think my EXACT words were, "I believe that I need to be fit for a bra so I am sure that I am purchasing, and wearing, the correct size." The woman then GRABBED my BOOBS with BOTH her hands and said, "Oh honey, these need to be a LOT higher up!" OK - in my original question was there any invitation to actually touch my boobs???? I think not.

So after I sucked all the air from Hecht's, I told her I really did not want them coming out of my collar bones, as she had suggested. (I should have just asked her to do my pelvic exam while I was there since she had given me a thorough lump check for free. I am not sure my insurance would have covered her though.)

Suffice it to say that this was one of the most disturbing experiences I have had since I moved to Maryland. Hell, this was one of the most disturbing experiences I have had in my LIFE. After recounting my trauma to Steve, I realized that it was a God's blessing that he was not there when this happened, as he nearly choked to death laughing just hearing about it. (Life Lesson # bajillion: Don't take men shopping for "utility" undergarments. Only the fun stuff.)

Heed my warning: stand VERY far away from the sales clerk when (and if) you go for a fitting. Behind a fixture would be good.

Yes, my bra fits better. No, I will never be able to go into that Hecht's again.


tigerdrea said...

You know how sometimes I start giggling about something and cannot stop. This would be one of those moments.


Erin said...

Well, I mean, if the new one lifts and separates...

Mom said...

Well I never! could not help but giggle---worry not I'll never get a "bra" check

Adam said...

ahahahahhahahahahaha, that's is by far the funniest thing i've heard in a long long time!