Friday, May 25, 2007

I think I am OK now....

I have a DSW bag to breathe in and out of should I feel another "spell" coming on.

Yesterday Unfortunate Sharpie Girl went above and beyond the bounds of acceptability. She went proudly and then had the unmitigated gall to blame it on ME!

USG showed up yesterday wearing white pants. With no undergarments. Squick. To top that off, we could see her freakin' tattoo on her left cheek through the pants. I was nominated (why why why do I always pick rock when we are playing the rock-scissors-paper game? EVERYONE knows that - even I know that) to speak to her the whole thing. I think I handled it well. I just explained that I was sure that she had not checked her rear view on her way out the door this morning and had NO idea that we could see that she has a big ol' rose tattoed on her butt. She probably wanted to run over to Wal Mart or somewhere and pick up some panties so that would be covered up. She assured me that she did not know that one could see her butt, afterall she wears those pants all the time and no one has mentioned it before. My thought was "Of course not - the lighting is probably bad at the strip club you work at part-time." But she really took it all pretty well and off to Wal Mart she skipped.

She returned with leopard panties on. Under the white pants that we could see through.

The grasshoppers could hardly wait to get to me to fill me in on this. USG came by to proudly display that she is wearing panties. Not being the brightest bulb in the pack, I mentioned that while we cannot see her tattoo we can certainly tell that she was wearing leopard panties. Had she thought about getting nude colored panties?

This is what she said and you can't make this shit up:

"You wear leopard stuff. And besides, if I was going to get nude colored panties then what is the difference in just staying commando?"

It is all a blur after that. I do remember the grasshoppers administering shoe therapy and me babbling about leopard panties. How did USG equate my sassy leopard scarf tied to my straw bag with her leopard panties seen through the white pants? Is it possible that some people just flat pure D don't GET IT?

These people clearly should have never produced a child

74 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh My - are you sure she is an employee?? and not some escapee from a lunatic asylum?? yr ma

upwiththesun said...

The only reason you keep her is that her stories are entertaining all of your family and probably the other half of the free world that randomly checks your blog!!
At least she didn't ask to see what kind of panties you were wearing!!! (oops...that may be today's episode:)

upwiththesun said...

Ok, so I just looked at the link to "these people" and now I'm rolling all over again! You and USG are making my morning!

Abby said...

I think yesterday was National Bad Panty Choice Day. I found a nail salon offering $32 mani/pedi so I stopped in after work. This woman came in wearing (brace yourself) unlined thin khaki shorts with BLACK panties. It was horrible. And to make matters worse she wasn't even getting her nails done. She saw her friends car and wanted to read her the poem she wrote for her son who was graduating kindergarten. She read it out loud, wearing black panties.

TransplantedOkie said...

That poor child is doomed to a life of black-panty-wearin-mother-induced trauma. That is all I am saying. I have seen it so many times here in Maryland that I am feel sure that there is a support group for it somewhere in our vicinity.

I pray for those poor children...

tigerdrea said...

I know that all these unfortunate women know exactly what they are doing when they get dressed in the morning. They do it because they didn't get enough love/attention in their childhood. I know an USG too, only it's an UBFF (sorta).

Lisa said...

The phrase "you can't help someone who won't help themself" comes to mind. Along with several others including "don't you have a mirror at home", "what were you thinking", and the list could go on for ever. Although I have to wonder if a size 14 squeezing into size 10 khaki pants is not just as bad? I mean I couldn't tell what color her panties were but I can tell you she had some on because you could see every panty line mark from every angle. Does she do the bra showing thing to? Or does she wear one?

TransplantedOkie said...

She wears bizarro colors with the shoulder straps hanging off.

The really crazy thing is that she is really REALLY good with little kids who have been abused. I suppose that I should let all the superficial stuff slide and thank God that she is able to help them.

TransplantedOkie said...

Dear Jesus,

Please don't let Unfortunate Sharpie Girl come up with the idea of just drawing all of her clothes on with said Sharpies.

Love,

Ann

Dad on the East Coast said...

What is a UBFF?

TransplantedOkie said...

Unfortunate Best Friend Forever

I think

tigerdrea said...

That is correct. She was wearing a lace bra under a very see through top, undoubtedly from American Eagle. It was totally the look she was going for. I don't get it myself.

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