Monday, April 09, 2007

Oh you got to have friends!

This morning, after a glorious Easter, I returned to work and joined in a discussion on "The Sound of Music," which was on last night. I mentioned that it was the first movie I ever saw in a theatre. One of the more unfortunate people who work here (unfortunate for me anyway) commented, "Damn! How hold ARE you!?!?"

Gasps were heard throughout the building.

One of my little therapist friends (the one who bought the black wedge sandal like a good little grasshopper) jumped in the middle of all that and read her the riot act! I mean the tent was up and people were coming to Jesus - it was that good of a rave.

And then Grasshopper said the most cutting thing she could think of: "And you can't have lunch with us ANYMORE!"

This nearly did me in - I just started cracking up!! Shunned from the lunch table - the SHAME!

I told them that if they did not act nice that I was going to make them HOLD HANDS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. And you know I will, don't you children of mine? I told them I was even going to make them hold hands at the MALL like I did my kids when they acted like goobers. I even offered to let them use my cell phone to call my children to verify that, yes, I had indeed scarred my children's psyches by making them hold hands when they were fighting. They were no end horrified and fussing abruptly stopped.

Then Unfortunate and I (did I mention that she is also Sharpie girl? Yes, she is the Unfortunate Sharpie Girl) had a chat about why she is always making a big deal about my age and I think that we came to an understanding. More to follow....

18 comments:

Abby said...

By my estimations you've been at work for a total of 1.75 hours and already there's been a come to Jesus meeting. Whoa, good luck friend.

TransplantedOkie said...

The fun never ends here in Southern Maryland!!

Lisa said...

Maybe you should have pointed out that you are old enough to put her young stupid butt in her place if she dared to mention age in a negative manner again.

P.S. I really don't see the need for someone else to jump to your defense. Although it was a nice suck up, I would have been worried about getting trampled by you on your way to clobber the offender.

TransplantedOkie said...

It was a nice suck up, and that little one chall be rewarded greatly for her loyalty.

I am about to decide that Unfortunate Sharpie Girl is going to be my "project." I shall turn her from the Unfortunate Sharpie Girl into some semblance of a lady, albeit one rough around the edges. Perhaps her constant harping is a call for help through her pink frosted lipstick lips.

Abby said...

I never trust anyone wearing frosted lipgloss. It's one of my rules.

TransplantedOkie said...

It's not even GLOSS - it is lipstick that drieds to a hard crackle surface once it is on the lips. Double squick.

Abby said...

If you take her on as a project you are going to have your work cut out for you. Yuck.

TransplantedOkie said...

I know, but what a testamony to my ability!

I will have to think about this, of course, before making a commitment like that. I can't start on an Eliza Doolittle and then drop her like a rock.

Erin said...

Abby never trusted Sah Townsend for that very pink frosted lipgloss reason.

So how old is Sharpie girl? I mean, I could take her, right?

Abby said...

I think you could possibly write that off as a charitable contribution.

It's a good rule.

TransplantedOkie said...

And Abby was RIGHT wasn't she!?!

Erin said...

Yeah, let's not giver her a big head or anything here...

Abby said...

Is that a fat joke?

Erin said...

Shut up.

TransplantedOkie said...

Erin, I am going to make you hold hands with someone if you cannot behave.

Anonymous said...

this "person" obviously is a clod of the first order--you should remined her that time passes by for everyone, and she should live so long to be half the person you are! Don't waste too much time throwing pearls before the swine-- She will be really old and UGLY before she knows it! love you MOM

Dad on the East Coast said...

Do all of you have these blog conversations on company time?

TransplantedOkie said...

Steve, you are clearly showing your "I'm the President of a corporation" side. These conversations are helpful, nay, VITAL to my sanity and to keep me from injuring Unfortunate Sharpie Girl, and, therefore, lessening the chance that you will have to leave work and come bail me out of jail.