Memories.....

They do tend to conk out.

Again with the hot dogs

For the low low bargain basement price of just $35 you can get this hot dog cooker that barks when your hot dogs are done.

I know - I am aghast as well

Dance through Monday

Bob and I do a mean Samba

Wild about Harry

I have brought an end to my family's secret shame: I have read Harry Potter.

Not all of them, mind you. The first three. I have to admit my favorite line is in the first one when Harry asks Hagrid the difference between a stalagmite and an stalactite and Hagrid says that stalagmite's got an "m" in it. That made me laugh out loud, thus securing Hagrid's place on the list of favorites.

I am tired of Draco Malfoy and ready for him to be zapped into the oblivion. Snape is also on my last nerve and either needs to redeem himself or begone.

Steve has Youth Group this afternoon so I am planning on reading book 4.

I shall let you know what I think.

One down

I finished the first one last night. Quite entertaining!

Steve has this to say about the whole Harry Potter phenom.

Forgot one

The real lyrics are
I can see all obstacles in my way.

But I sing them as
I can see an octopus in my way.

Because, of course, you have to have a hot dog octopus in your shark soup. Again with the food references.

P.S. there is a site that charges $17 freakin' dollars to turn your hot dog into an octodog. Part of me is absolutely horrified that one could spend $17 dollars on such things. Part of me really wants one.

The Gauntlet has been thrown down

Big Al (Allyson Hills) has dared me to read the Harry Potter Books. Clearly she does not know the hell she hath wrought.
Poor Steve absolutely hates it when I read because I become zombie-esque with precious little interaction other than to surface for food and water. The freakin' ceiling could fall down and I would not notice.

But, I have been dared and so read Harry Potter I shall! If you do not hear from me until next Wednesday it's because I am in the throes of the adventures of Harry and friends.

Confession

Sometimes I make up lyrics to songs. And then sometimes I can't remember the original words unless I think about it really, really, hard.

For example:

"Michael row your boat ashore" in my mind is
"My goat knows the bowling score"

Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (from Lady Marmalade) is a lot more fun as
"View a cookie shade in a pot, say what?"

"Sugar Pie Honey Bunch" makes ever so much more sense as
"Sugar fried bunny guts"

"She's got a ticket to ride..and she don't care" to me is the same thing as
"She's got a chicken to hide...and it's in her hair!"

I have a bajillion more but I will spare you - I really want to find out what lyrics YOU make up!

Thank you - no.

MADRID - Women in the northern Spanish city of Pamplona, world-famous for its ferocious bull-running festival, are demanding their own version complete with cows instead of bulls.

A student website, www.estudiln.net, set the ball rolling with its campaign "Cows want to run" which asks for a separate encierro, as the bull-runs are known, where only women are allowed to take part.

Women have been allowed to take part in the San Fermin bull-running for some years but they still represent a tiny minority of the thousands of runners who attempt to dodge 600-kilo bulls along an 800-metre course through the streets of Pamplona.

With my luck there would be cows with guns.

But it does open up new shoe purchasing vistas - I am sure that there is a pair of shoes made just for this type of event. I will research that and get back with you...

Dance through Monday video

Steve's challenge

According to all of these tests, I am a ham sandwich who is 20% Democrat 20% Republican who was born the same year as JFK Jr. and Jeffrey Dahlmer, and who should be living in Dublin.

That explains so much.

Only accurate about the throwing things

You Are Rock

Powerful and overbearing, you intimidate people with your presence. People know they can't push you around, and they respect that. Deep down, you are calm, confident, and unmovable. You take everything pretty seriously, and you think deeply about all aspects of your life. You tend to feel smothered by paper people. You don't mind crushing the spirit of a scissors person. When you fight, you: Use all of your strength If someone makes you mad: You're likely to throw something at them

Are You Rock, Paper, or Scissors?

I doubt that I am intimidating. My children laugh with scorn when I try to flex my motherly muscles and are clearly not intimidated.

Deep down I am a quivering mass of Jello.

I do not think deeply about much. I am pretty much as deep as a frisbee.

I do tend to have a nasy habit of throwing shoes when I am mad....but I haven't done that in AGES!!

Phyllis fractures her back!

I have a theme song, a mascot, and a crest. My personal hero (other than my sistah) is shown above. These woman has been my idol since childhood, a fact my family with confirm with dismay and bemusement. Phyllis has twisted her back and is unable to celebrate her 90th birthday by appearing on Leno. I am crushed.

Let's gather round, light our imaginary cigarettes at the end of our imaginary 3 foot cigarette holder, and make snarky comments in her honor.

It's the least we can do.

Just some things I need to share

Do motorcycle riders who wear their pants so low that we can see their bottom ever think about getting a sunburn? I cannot imagine that a sunburned butt would be comfortable at all.

Do I really need soft armpits? I know we discussed sparkly armpits, but now I am being told that my underarms need to be soft. However will I light my match for my Camel if my armpits are soft?

Is there a rehab place for everything now? Drink too much - go to rehab. Drugs - rehab. But racial and/or sexual preference slurs rehab? I think I need to know exactly how they "rehabilitate" you. Twelve step program? Electric shock therapy? I just don't get how you "fix" that.

This will not go over well with my parental units: I think Ann Coulter needs to be spanked and sent to her room. And she needs to come up with another look than the perpetual black cocktail dress and that nasty long hair.

Why do we give a flying flip what Rosie thinks? I don't, but the news is full of Rosie and/or Paris who is equally obnoxious. Maybe we should lock Rosie and Ann Coulter in a room and whoever is left standing wins. There's some rehab for ya.

Just some things that have been banging around in my head that I decided to let out.

Theme song to go with personal mascot

Of cabbages and Kings

Here is the quote of the day:

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

I shall not post the picture of the Walrus and the Carpenter eating the oysters because it always made Erin sad that the Oysters were eaten in the end. Especially after trusting said Walrus and Carpenter.

And I think it still might.

Dance through Monday

A grand time on Pennsylvania

We had a grand a glorious time in Lancaster County yesterday. As soon as I can compile my photos, I will post a pictorial essay of our adventures.

For now, I have regressed somewhat in the healing process and I am going back to bed.

Is there a difference between "y'all" and "you all"?

In my mind, yes.

I am a firm hater of "you people." Probably from Hertz days of hearing how "you people" (meaning me) are going to "fix this or else." Followed by other craziness which I shall detail another day. And I can get where "you all" can kind of get snotty too.

But y'all?

Sweet little "y'all"? As in "Would y'all like some iced tea?" or the plural "Do all y'all want iced tea?" No. Not snotty I don't care what these cranky yankees say.

And most of 'em walk around here lookin' like the Grapes of Wrath anyway, bless their hearts.

I am on a freakin' roll

I entered a contest through a local radio station and today I was notified that I have wone tickets to see Molly Hatchett.

Too bad that I plan to be flossing Bob's teeth the date and time of the concert.

But I gave the tickets to Unfortunate Sharpie Girls and she is absolutely giddy with delight.

Great News Sports Fans!

Takeru Kobayashi is no longer able to compete in the Nathan's Famous hot dog eating competition. Apparently, he has arthritis in his jaw which prevents him from opeining his mouht wide enough to consume massive quantities of the gourmet delights. Last year he wolfed down an incredible 53 3/4 hot dogs in 12 minutes.

Perhaps there is hope for me now that he is out of the running.

Unfortunate Sharpie Girl's Twin Sister

Dance through Monday

I found this charming.

In case you need a personal mascot

My friend Jerry sent me this and it is quite funny. If I did not already have a personal mascot I would all over this like a duck on a junebug.

Clearly, we cannot be trusted at an auction.

Remember when I accidently won a wine refrigerator? Last night Steve and I went to a function where we had the opportunity to fill said 'frig.

I would like the record to reflect that Steve began the whole thing and then I took it upon myself to hover over the bid sheet threatening to cut people if they made a bid. It was not one of my better sides, but it ended up being a very effective winning strategy, should you ever need to use it.

At the end of the evening, we brought home 15 bottles of wine, a cool cheese/cutting board, a little doo daa that you can write your menu on and display for your guests to see (because that is so me), and a lovely pewter wine caddy.

I thought we got out for $200, but turns out it was really $245. And I had to promise all those people that I was going to cut that they could come over and help us drink it.

My new mascot

New motto and crest to go with my mascot

Missing: My sense of humor

Let's just get it out there: I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. So much so that my sense of humor has decided that I am no fun and has taken a vacation just to get away from me.

Unfortunate Sharpie Girl spent 30 minutes in my office yesterday and I cannot even muster the will to recreate that whole crazy mess.

If you see my sense of humor please send it home. I miss it.

Here we are after a wild day on the golf course. The weather was perfect and the National Floral team won!

My bone density results are back

And it appears that I have Osteopenia.

Osteopenia refers to bone mineral density (BMD) that is lower than normal peak BMD but not low enough to be classified as osteoporosis. Bone mineral density is a measurement of the level of minerals in the bones, which indicates how dense and strong they are. If your BMD is low compared to normal peak BMD, you are said to have osteopenia. Having osteopenia means there is a greater risk that, as time passes, you may develop BMD that is very low compared to normal, known as osteoporosis.

The method of treatment is lifestyle changes. In other words, I have to start taking calcium, vitamin D, magnesium, and doing weight bearing exercises. The most disturbing thing that I have found is that there is a link between cola consumption and osteoperosis. As we all know, I love a good Diet Coke on the hour every hour! Looks like I will be working to rid myself of the cola monkey on my back.

The doctor does not think that this is the cause of my ribs, shingles or any other weird thing that has been going on lately. I am glad that all that happened so now I can take the appropriate measures to slow down bone loss

Erin, Andrea, Abby, and Allyson - put down that Diet Coke and drink a glass of milk!

An afternoon at the salon

Went to have my hair cut this afternoon and was amazed and amused at the conversations going on.

My favorite was the cute little stylist trying to convince her client, a portly woman of about 58, 273 pounds, with windshields for glasses that perhaps a haircut "just like Posh Spice's" would not be the best look on her. I am ashamed to admit that my stylist and I laughed until we snorted.

Then there was the woman whose hair was, literally, past her waist. She will only cut the front - read: mullet - because her sister tells her that long hair makes her look younger. That might have been true 25 years ago when she might have been actually young. But when you tell your stylist that you have to use three boxes of dye to keep it jet black, it's just way way too much.

One more woman, who I know from quilting, was talking about her trip to Europe. She and her husband go about every 6 weeks. They have more money than the legal limit and they are the absolute nicest people ever. When she talks about her trips, you don't begrudge her those adventures because she speaks of her adventures with such enthusiasm as if it were her first trip there. She also has a stunning canary diamond ring. That diamond is as big as my head. I offer to wear it for her in case she gets tired of it, but she hasn't taken me up on it yet.

It was quite the little hen part at the "salon" today!

Reba McEntire- The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia

Erin belted this out over the phone to a very appreciate audience this evening: her mother. You are right Sweet Pea: You gotta be a commie not to love a real American like Reba!

Doe-Me-Doe Duds

This is what I must go through every morning to get ready for work....

Happy Anniversary, Teeb!

Here's to the guy who:

still makes my heart do a little flip when he walks in the door.

makes me laugh. A LOT,

makes up the best lyrics to fit any situation.

That I only drive crazy occasionally and then all you say is "Honey...."

has the cutest grandson around,

And is the absolute love of my life.

Thanks for 12 wonderful years. It is has been a blast!

Good Stuff, Maynard

Roasted-Pepper Hummus

2 Tablespoons sesame seeds
1/2 cup diced roasted red bell pepper
1 can no-salt-added chick peas (garbanzo beans)
1/4 cup water
2 Tablespoons fresh lime juice
1 medium clove garlic
salt
pepper

In a small nonstick skillet, dry roast the sesame seeds over medium heat for 2 or three minutes or until golden brown, shaking the pan every once in a while to stir things up.

In a food processor or blender, process the sesame seeds for 30 seconds.

Add the remaining ingredients. Process until smooth. Serve at room temp or refrigerate in an airtight container.

ONLY 1.5 GRAMS FAT!

This is yummy stuff and not too bad for you. I don't dice up the red pepper 'cause I figure the food processor will do it for me. This does need the salt, so if you are watching the sodium use some salt substitute. Also, A couple of shots of Texas Pete does not hurt this at all!

Enjoy this with your Diet Coke or your favorite adult beverage. And did anyone besides me notice that the descriptions of me as "my" drink are completely opposite? Apparently I am schizophrenic when drinking. Hmmmm. Come to think of it.....

One for Arthur

You Are a Classic Martini

You area sophisticated drinker, who knows that simple quality is over-rated. You're a knowledgeable drunk, but sometimes you're a know-it-all when you're blasted. You should never: Drink and gossip. You tend to forget who's standing right behind you! Your ideal party: Has a real bartender. But no one mixes a better drink than you. Your drinking soulmates: those with a Chocolate Martini personality Your drinking rivals: those with a Margarita Martini personality

What Flavor Martini Are You?

Chardonnay?

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality. You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex. You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular. Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!). Deep down you are: Dependable and modest Your partying style: Understated and polite Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat

What Kind of Wine Are You?

People who are raised in barns

There are people among us who were raised in barns. They look normal, but do not let that fool you. They were raised in barns.

How do I know this? I loaned a book to a barn dweller. She returned it to me today with the front cover folded and creased and the back cover has a coffee cup stain. After I swooned with dismay, I promised my little book that I would never loan it to anyone again. I will take it home and as lovingly as possible try to correct the indignaties inflicted upon it.

I should have known. She is a Longhorn and had the complete and unmitigated gall to give me a Longhorn air freshner for my car.

It is keeping my garbage pail Longhorn fresh.

Dedicated to Sonic

Sonic is now advertising FREE root beer floats. This would be all good and fine if there was a Sonic within a 100 mile radius of me, but NO.

Jerks

The ABC's of Life

Accept differences
Be kind
Count your blessings
Dream
Express thanks
Forgive
Give freely
Harm no one
Imagine more
Jettison anger
Keep confidences
Love truly
Master something
Nuture hope
Open your mind
Pack lightly
Quell rumors
Reciprocate
Seek wisdom
Touch Hearts
Understand
Value truth
Win graciously
Xeriscape
Yearn for Peace
Zealously support a worthy cause

I play the part of the blob

Done being grumpy - now I am just a blob

Color me GRUMPY

On top of everything else, today I was diagnosed with shingles.

Life sucks.

And I give myself permission to be completely grumpy and out of sorts all day tomorrow until 5:00 p.m.

That is when Teeb is due home

Everyone raise your right hand

And repeat after me:

I (state your name) do solemnly swear,

That if I ever see Ann in this outfit,

I will retrieve the silver bullet she carries in her purse in case of such an emergency;

and shoot her with it because she clearly deserves to be be out of her (and our) misery.

Thank you my friends, I know I can depend on you if my brain accidentally squirts out my ear and I mortify myself by donning this get-up. I suppose that we should be thrilled she remembered to wear panties.

Out of Sorts

My beloved husband is off to visit his parents until Saturday evening and I am left to my own devices. It is so very tempting to go rescue all of my little friends from the dungeon that is DSW, but I think I shall hold off. For one thing, I have to be really careful of what shoes I wear with the broken ribs and all. Still haven't figured out how I did all that.

So what am I going to do for the next few days while Teeb is gone? I have choir this evening so that takes up tonight. But tomorrow Alicia and Betty leave for the DOK Province III retreat. Sue is going to work on the boat (which they named "No Good Deed" TOO Funny) I had forgotten that everyone was going to be gone and now I am a little petunia in an onion patch.

Unfortunate Sharpie Girl has been out of town so it is very quiet on that front.

I am simply at a loss as to what to do with myself!

The Siren Song of Shoes

WAUKESHA, Wis. - Police seized more than 1,500 pairs of girls’ shoes from the home and storage unit of a man arrested for breaking into a high school, police said Tuesday.

“He liked to smell them,” said Lt. William H. Graham.

Police said the recovered shoes may be related to the burglaries of three Waukesha public high schools and a middle school over the past two years.

The 27-year-old Kenosha man, who was not identified because had yet to be formally charged, worked for a cable company and collected keys to the schools as he responded to calls, Graham said. The same man was convicted in 2005 for stealing shoes from Kenosha Tremper High School.

Police arrested him after a security video showed him entering North High School on May 20 and leaving with some items, authorities said.

Officers searched the man’s home and a rented storage unit on Thursday, recovering the shoes along with school yearbooks, keys, a bolt cutter and other items.

The man was expected to be charged in Waukesha County Circuit Court, Capt. Mike Babe said.

It's WEDNESDAY

Wednesday Addams - get it?

Boo.

I have had this weird pain in my side for almost a week, so I decided that I would cave in and go to the doctor to see about it. Radical concept.

Turns out I have two cracked/broken ribs. How did I get said broken ribs? No earthly idea. You would think that if I pulled some stunt the ended up in a broken bone that I would remember it (and no, I don't drink that much), but for the life of me I cannot come up with anything.

Since I cannot recall any injury to myself, I now get the opportunity to have a bone density test done. It's not that big of a deal, just like an X-ray from what I understand. I am just not thrilled about the entire incident.

You think that if I was going to break two ribs I would at least have a good story to tell about it.

Butt Darts

Here just miles from our nation's capitol we are able to amuse ourselves with the most refined and sophisticated past times - we play butt darts.

What? You have never played? SHOCKING!

To play butt darts a cup of some sort is placed on the floor. Then one carefully places a quarter between ones cheeks (let me clarify here that clothes are definitely worn during this game. We are not that degenerate). The the player then waddles over to the cup, clinching the quarter as best possible, and aims for the cup, attempting to deposit said quarter. I suck at this game because I cannot laugh, waddle, and clinch all at the same time. I did manage to hit the cup but my quarter bounced out.

Our parish champion is a studious child about 8 years old. She has never missed. She also reads the lessons with great aplomb and clearly has a life of greatness ahead of her.

A little something to start your Saturday

This guy is a hoot!

I think I am OK now....

I have a DSW bag to breathe in and out of should I feel another "spell" coming on.

Yesterday Unfortunate Sharpie Girl went above and beyond the bounds of acceptability. She went proudly and then had the unmitigated gall to blame it on ME!

USG showed up yesterday wearing white pants. With no undergarments. Squick. To top that off, we could see her freakin' tattoo on her left cheek through the pants. I was nominated (why why why do I always pick rock when we are playing the rock-scissors-paper game? EVERYONE knows that - even I know that) to speak to her the whole thing. I think I handled it well. I just explained that I was sure that she had not checked her rear view on her way out the door this morning and had NO idea that we could see that she has a big ol' rose tattoed on her butt. She probably wanted to run over to Wal Mart or somewhere and pick up some panties so that would be covered up. She assured me that she did not know that one could see her butt, afterall she wears those pants all the time and no one has mentioned it before. My thought was "Of course not - the lighting is probably bad at the strip club you work at part-time." But she really took it all pretty well and off to Wal Mart she skipped.

She returned with leopard panties on. Under the white pants that we could see through.

The grasshoppers could hardly wait to get to me to fill me in on this. USG came by to proudly display that she is wearing panties. Not being the brightest bulb in the pack, I mentioned that while we cannot see her tattoo we can certainly tell that she was wearing leopard panties. Had she thought about getting nude colored panties?

This is what she said and you can't make this shit up:

"You wear leopard stuff. And besides, if I was going to get nude colored panties then what is the difference in just staying commando?"

It is all a blur after that. I do remember the grasshoppers administering shoe therapy and me babbling about leopard panties. How did USG equate my sassy leopard scarf tied to my straw bag with her leopard panties seen through the white pants? Is it possible that some people just flat pure D don't GET IT?

These people clearly should have never produced a child

I am at my wits end with unfortunate sharpie girl

I can't even bring myself to blog about it right now. I mean,

asdjlhv 4o;9ujirgfzlknwe,f m.l4qwei 9poud tmfw'34pjm ,

Note: This is one of the grasshoppers. Miss Ann has had some sort of fit and passed out on her keyboard. We are taking her to DSW to smell the new shoes and expect a full recovery.

What the HELL did I eat before I went to sleep?

Ever have a dream so incredibly wacky that you are convinced that it is signaling the end of the world? Yeah, me neither until last night.

Remember my previous wacky dream? This one was weirder.

It starts out with Steve and I going on a cruise (again with the cruise). We are driving separate cars (probably because I have packed so many shoes there is no room for poor Steve in the car). Steve discovers that the neighbors dog, a Jack Russell, is in his car, so we both have to go back to return the dog. This especially difficult for me because I am the one hauling the horse trailer (again, probably filled with shoes). We return the dog, but we have missed the boat. So we decide that we will spend the night a local shop, kind of a bed-bath-clothes-etc place. It is not designed to serve as a hotel but what the hell.

We are getting settled in when Bishop Chane calls and he is upset. Now I love the Bish - he is a hoot. He plays drums in his own band called the Chane gang - for real this is not part of the dream. Anyway, he is upset that we are staying in this shop. He thinks that we have invited everyone that was on the boat to camp out with us. (I don't know if this was the Episcopal Thrift shop at this particular port of call or not. Why the Bish would give a flying flip is beyond me.) We assure him that it's just the two of us and he is placated.

I proceed to get ready for bed and decide to take a shower. Only I can't because Orville Redenbacher is sitting in a chair in the shower.

So we have an ongoing theme with the boat and animals involved on the way to the boat. Clearly this means something. I just hope that what it doesn't mean is that I am terminally and irreversibly crazy.

Or that I have a secret cruch on Orville Redenbacher. Which, when one thinks about it, is the exact same thing.

It's Wednesday Again

Amazing how it rolls around every week. I think that Wednesday is my least favorite day of the week. It is just too far from either the week-end before or the weekend after it to do me any good.

Let's review the week thus far, shall we?

My song thing has stalled. Shocking.

Erin thinks that I spend entirely too much time on You Tube. Let us remember that I cannot sit through a movie so a 3 - 5 minute video is about the right length for my attention span. And the whole Cows with Guns thing made me insanely giggle. Abby would think it was funny.

I suppose one could begin planning the ubiquitous cookout for Memorial Day, but I just can't get enthused about that either.

Guess I'll go watch some more You Tube...

Cows With Guns

I crack me up

What song reminds you of me?

I must stop reading other people's blogs - I get the craziest ideas from them!

Remember when I asked what word describes me? Now I want to know what song describes me.

So far, from co-workers, I have received:

Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat (from Guys and Dolls)
Ride of the Valkyries (this made me laugh really loud)
Respect (by Aretha, thank you very much)

Do I detect a theme toward rebelliousness here? I can't imagine why people would get that vibe from me.

So send me some songs - who knows maybe I will burn a disc and send it to everyone who responds!

Another silly meme

This one is swiped from my pal Mrs. Badger

If I was an hour of the day... 10:00 a.m.
If I was a planet... I'd be Saturn.
If I was a direction... I'd be South.
If I was a piece of furniture... Chaise lounge.
If I was a liquid... I'd be vodka.
If I was a sin... I'd be Wrath.
If I was a rock... I'd be granite.
If I was a tree... I'd be a redbud.
If I was a fruit... I'd be a kiwi.
If I was a flower... I'd be a peony.
If I was a climate... I'd be an arid desert.
If I was a musical instrument... I'd be a trumpet.
If I was an element... I'd be Earth (or, Periodic Table-y speaking, Carbon).
If I was a color... I'd be yellow.
If I was an animal... I'd be a spoiled dog like Bob.
If I was a sound... I'd be a sigh.
If I was music... I'd be a celtic tune.
If I was a music style... Jazz.
If I was a feeling... I'd be ennui.
If I was a book... I'd be Mary of the Lost and Found.
If I was a food... I'd be shark soup.
If I was a place... I'd be home.
If I was a flavour... I'd be sour.
If I was a scent... I'd be herbal.
If I was a word... I'd be "sassy."
If I was a verb... I'd be "sew".
If I was an object... book.
If I was a part of the body... I'd be the head.
If I was a facial expression... I'd be a smirk.
If I was a cartoon character... Calvin.
If I was a movie... I'd be The Princess Bride.
If I was a shape... I'd be a spiral.
If I was a number... I'd be 7.
If I was a season... I'd be Fall.
If I was a sentence... I'd be "Of course I could be wrong."

Now for something completely different...

Hypothetically of course.

What would you do if one of your employees came to work in an outfit way over the edge. Let's pretend that her skirt is so short that you think it is really supposed to be a shirt. Or that she is falling out of her top. We're talking overtly skankish here.

Fortunately, one can always point out that one cannot do play therapy when one's bottom is in danger of exposing itself to the already traumatized three year old.

But what does a supervisor do when an employees ta ta's are threatening to escape their already questionable bounds of decency? It is not a tank top, mid-drift, T-shirt with writing, etc that is already listed on the dress code. It is a top cut to the navel.

Simply put, it frightens the bejeesus out of me, and generally speaking, I would prefer to hang onto my bejeesus whenever possible.

It's Wednesday

And that seems to be the only redeeming factor about the day. I am over run with too many events happening in too short a time. One does not want to be working on the afternoon tea and confuse that event with the Harley ride ending up at Hooters. Those two will just not mix no matter how I try to make it so. Who knows, each group might really have a great time at the other, but somehow I think there would be much clutching of pearls.

I am on the board of United Way St. Mary's county which meets tonight so I will not get hom until late. I hate that because I really wanted to start on a new quilt this evening.

Oh there is SOME good news! I have been invited to a wine blending. No idea what that really is but what the heck!!

If this does not make you want to smile and tap through Monday you, my friend, are dead

Mother's Day

It is not a good thing to not have children near on Mother's Day. I have pretty much had a big ol' pity party all day about it.

Yesterday I went to Fredericksburg - what a charming little town! The Confederate Army cemetary is there along with Martha Washington University which gives it a very different, but cool, vibe. That history-college town thing is definately a interesting mix. I went to check out the bead store, Beadle Jewelz. The bead store, alas, was a disappointment but the stroll up and down the main street more than made up for it. Steve had to work, which was a bummer, since we always have a good time on those types of adventures.

When I got home, Steve and I went to DSW where Steve bought these
And I bought these


They are uber comfy and just right for those times that I don't think I can get away with the Ed Hardy pair. Steve reports that his are comfy as well.

Today was spent wallowing in a pit of self pity as big as the sea. OK - a little dramatic perhaps. We went and bought Steve new pants (32's!!!) and me books. While there was wallowing, it was not long and drawn out. Perhaps more of a puddle than a sea. And I think I am over it - until next time.

O Be Joyful

Storms

The people in charge of such things released the list of names that will be used for tropical storms this year. Both "Andrea" and "Erin" are listed. Coincidence? I think not.

The Game is On

I received an e-mail asking me to describe the sender of said e-mail in one word. The person sending me this is the Chairman of our Board of Directors, so, naturally, I responded with a suitable answer" "committed."

I sent the e-mail on and some of the responses I have received have been interesting. Things I would have never attributed to myself, but lo and behold that is how someone sees me. Here is the list so far:

Fearless
Supercalafragalisticexpialadocius
Kind
Funny
Compassionate
Savy
religious
fashionista (YES!)
helper
friend
fair
love (from my sweet husband)

Feel free to add to my list - but please be kind. No drive by dissing please!

The Monday video

I am very sad that I cannot post the Monday Dance Through the Day video.

I had decided that a dance video was just what we all needed to get through this most difficult day of the week. Therefore, my goal was to post a video every Monday to make the day a little more bearable.

Alas, for whatever reason, YouTube will not let me post the Monkees singing one of their top ten hits: I'm a Believer.

You will have to just hum it in your head and dance around anyway.

May Day!

No - not as in "HELP," but as in flowers blooming, children picking flowers, birds signing etc.

A hundred years ago when I was little, Dawn and I would pick flowers and make a little cone shaped pretty and hang it on Mrs. Crow's door knob on May Day. I don't remember Mrs. Crow exactly, but I do remember that she was very kind and had a wonderful little china bird that she would let me come in and "pet." She also gave us some fabulous pink fuzzy slippers one year for Christmas.

So go out and be kind to someone today and make a memory for them...and yourself.

Yeah Baby!

Just a little something to make you dance through Monday!

Friends of Barbaro to meet

KENNETT SQUARE, Pa. - The fans who prayed daily for Barbaro and sent online messages of support never were able to get together to celebrate his recovery. This weekend, those fans will put away their keyboards to meet and honor his memory.

The Kentucky Derby-winning colt became a symbol of strength and courage before he was euthanized in January. Now, fans from around the world who sent cards, roses and fruit baskets finally will pay tribute to him Sunday on what would have been the horse’s fourth birthday.

“Just be warned,” said fan Sharon Crumb. “It’s going to be very emotional. I don’t think there’s going to be a dry eye.”

Crumb organized the “Celebration of Barbaro’s Life” on Sunday at Delaware Park, where Barbaro won his maiden race on Oct. 4, 2005. She’ll have some company. More than 500 FOBs — that’s Internet message board lingo for Fans of Barbaro — have committed to attending a day of racing, sharing stories and paying respects.

“I can’t let Barbaro go,” a choked-up Crumb said. “I won’t let Barbaro go.” OK YOU NEED A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL

None of the FOBs will forget Barbaro, who was euthanized after complications from his gruesome breakdown at last year’s Preakness. Throughout nearly all his eight-month ordeal, those devoted fans met online at www.timwoolleyracing.com and found comfort in each other over their often-unexplainable and deeply felt bond to the champion horse.

“You didn’t feel alone,” Crumb said. “You felt like you were one big family. At the time, it was like medicine. A lot of people didn’t understand. Even my own family didn’t understand.” They understand YOU ARE A NUT.

Exercise rider Alex Brown created the chat room on trainer Tim Woolley’s Web site for racing fans. Brown is a rider at the Fair Hill Training Center in Elkton, Md., where Michael Matz trained Barbaro. After Barbaro’s injury, traffic spiked to more than 15,000 daily visits because of his updates on Barbaro’s condition.

Brown said his Web site still receives about 6,000 daily hits.

“When Barbaro was euthanized, I presumed that the Barbaro project would be over,” he said. “It wasn’t long after that I realized how wrong I was.”

The messages used to be about lighting candles, offering (sometimes odd) advice to the medical staff at the University of Pennsylvania’s New Bolton Center or telling Barbaro how proud they were of him — as if he could read. Now, the Web site serves as an organized platform for the FOBs to address more serious equine issues. They have raised about $250,000 and personally rescued about 580 horses, started fund drives for laminitis research and other equine diseases, and pressured lawmakers to pass anti-slaughter bills.
___________________________________________

OK - is it me? Am I just a great big ol' poop, or have most of these folks fallen out of the their tree onto their heads?

Limerick

There once was a girl I wish would move to Nantucket
Real eyeliner? She decided to chuck it
She uses a Sharpie
to look like a harpie
I want to stick her head in a bucket.

It's only Wednesday?

Are you sure? Because I feel like it should really be Friday.

Friday cannot come soon enough because it will be Game Night at the Seely household! That's right: another long held Oklahoma tradition brought to the unwashed masses here in Maryland.

We will not be playing our patented form of crazy dominoes where we all cheat like weasels. Rather we shall be playing Apples to Apples with David and Betty (Episcopal priest, recent recipient of his doctoral degree from Oxford and his lovely bride a former teacher from Louisiana), Mike and Alicia (he is some computer guru for the Government and she is an opera singer), Sue and Mike (she runs her own construction business, carves duck decoys for which people pay thousands of dollars, and he has a commercial fishing business that includes the boat that was used in "A Perfect Storm" which, PS, he also captained for the film) and Steve (President of a "major privately held business" and diaconate candidate) and me (uh...yeah). I plan on whipping their butts one and all...I mean a major smack down

David's book was recently picked up by a publisher and he received the final artwork for the cover today. We are celebrating by having game night, pizza, and whatever wine one drinks while trying to keep up with the brainiacs. I have to behave because on Saturday we are having the (Fanfare music inserted here please, preferably bagpipes) The Diocese of Washington Annual Day of the Order of the Daughters of the King at our little parish. Since I am president of our chapter, I think I have an obligation not to look like something the cat coughed up.

Also, Steve and I are leaving for Philadelphia immediately after this event, and there is no fate than driving for a long period of time after an evening of over-training. I feel queasy just thinking about it in fact. Not that I have ever done that, mind you. I have just heard.

Steve has a meeting all day Sunday so I might be hitting this exhibit. Then back to our lovely home Sunday night. A fast and furious trip, but one that I am sure will be fun. I know all of our children are soooo very sorry that they will not be along to hear all of the songs that we will make up on the way and sing at the top of our lungs. Maybe we will make a CD for you and that can be your Christmas present from us this year.

And so it begins.

This is the time of year when my job revs into high gear. In fact, I have a grant application and/or update due every Friday until June, an event planned for every month through December, and at least one meeting a day from now until the end of time.

The events are certainly a mixed bag this year! We have the:
obligatory Golf Tournament in June,
hosting a conference on infant mental health in July,
a Motorcycle Poker Run in August,
A Night at the Races (horse racs where participants "buy" the horse) in September
a HUGE event of epic proportions involving Casey Jones (one of Washingtonian Magazines top 100!) in October,
the setting up of the Festival of Lights in November,
the running of said Light Festival in December along with the Christmas Party for 300 children (ACK) and the initiation of First Night on December 31.

I will be sooooo ready for Italy in January!

Adam in Iraq

To see some pics of Adam in Iraq click here

Pandora's Box

I have seen the enemy and it is my closet.

I am simply dismayed at the amount of brown clothes I own. Don't get me wrong, brown is good, I look good in brown, brown is my friend. But I only have ONE yellow sweater in a sea of brown. Oh yes, there is the ubiquitous black and white, some navy (no baby blue for me I look pale and unusual in baby blue) quite a bit of red, and a lot of coral and turquoise, but brown seems to dominate. I mean, I have 5 brown tank tops; all various shades of brown. We are not talking just my fall and winter wardrobe here either. Brown is a big player in my spring and summer stuff as well.

This is sad indeed.

Therefore, I resolve to but the kibosh on brown clothing for the next four monthes. Steve always steers me to more color (periwinkle, I believe, is his favorite color on me) and I am going to follow his suggestions from now on. Of course, his suggestion will be that I put the kibosh on shopping as a whole. Silly boy.

The good news is that I have arranged my closet in such a way that even my little friend Abby would be proud of! Suits and dresses on one side, pants and skirts on the other followed by blouses; everything grouped by color, natch. Shoes on racks and arranged by color and function. Purses artfully arranged on the shelves along with the scarf/pashmina (are we supposed to be still wearing those? I do every once in a while and the Fashion Police haven't given me a citation yet) stack.

So see what the red shoes hath wrought? Organization at its finest.

Off to buy some colorful clothes....

SICK in LOVE

So, on the advice from my youngest daughter, I have purchased a pair of red patent leather flats. I am sick in love with them and I think I am going to wear them every day for three weeks just like I would if I were 4. They are just that freakin' cute.

On other fronts, I did not experience any "educational" conversations like I had yesterday. Granted, it would be hard to top that one.

I did have the opportunity to sit out on the deck at the Crooked i at Chesapeake Beach with my shoes off and enjoy an iced tea (working - no toddy for the body when working) while watching the sail boats on the Bay. That was a little slice of heaven.

Off to coordinate my entire wardrobe around my new shoes...

Behold: the cutlet

Just when you think it's safe...

You get a phone call to have a meeting at (drum roll please) Hooters.

Yes, I travel in the classiest of circles where we meet in refined establishments of grace and decorum.

I was early ("To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late.T o be late is unacceptable." words to live by and engrave upon your heart,) so I went in and waited for the other parties to arrive. Turns out that it was a slow day at the Hooters in Waldorf so a waitress or three sat down to chat with me. Apparently I was an oddity in their world. Go figure.

It was a fascinating conversation quite frankly and I am not being facetious. Did you know that they make these things called a "chicken cutlet" to go in your bra to push everything up? It LOOKS like a chicken cutlet. Now who do you think the first gal was to rumage through her 'frig and think, "Hmmm...this chicken cutlet is just the thing to make my chest ever so perky!" and then proceeded to put the damn thing in her bra? She must not have been too stupid because now she is raking in the bucks from her faux poultry boob enhancers sold to Hooter girls and God Knows Who Else.

The meeting went well - Hooters is doing all of the food for free for our Motorcycle run in August. They even offered me a free Hooters shirt.

I declined. I just don't think I can pull it off in quite the same manner they did.

Meh

This day is shaping up to be a non-event. Don't get me wrong - non-events are a good thing in my world these days.

I bought the famous Apples to Apples game this week and am planning a game night either tomorrow night or the next week-end. I think we all need a little frivolous entertainment in our lives right now with all that is going on in our world.

I am still planning on seeing the plasticized body exhibit this week-end. This has completely squicked everyone out. I think it will be fascinating. It had better be, because tickets are not cheap!

Unfortunate Sharpie Girl has been out sick most of the week, so I cannt regale you with stories of her latest antics. The Grasshoppers have been shopping with increasingly better choices than their original "Forever 21" legless tights and baby doll tops. At least they have not worn any of that nonsense to work lately. My work with them has been personally fulfilling. While not being little Ann Clones, they have risen above the Let's-all-dress-like-Brittney! mindset. The Executive Director even commented on their improved appearance. I just nodded sagely and smiled to myself.

Tonight is the night!

In an entertaining evening illustrated with video clips, Paula Deen shares her infectious laugh, unabashed love of comfort food, and life's pure enjoyment with radio talk-show host Jim Bohannon

Planning an educational Saturday

This coming Saturday, Steve will be attending some fascinating meeting on church finances at the Cathedral. I on the other hand will be broadening my educational horizons.

I plan to twirl through the Corcoran in the morning, and I will be attending this exhibit as well.

At 4 o'clock I am going to try to return to the Cathedral for the annual Kirkin o' the Tarten. This is the annual traditional blessing service of Scottish Tartans with bagpipes and drums.

Then I am going to go home and watch re-runs of Americas Funniest Home Videos to suck some of the smart cells out of my brain and balance things up.

A Prayer for Virginia Tech

Almighty God, look with pity upon the sorrows of your
servants for whom we pray. Remember them, Lord, in mercy;
nourish them with patience; comfort them with a sense of your
goodness; lift up your countenance upon them; and give them
peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Taken from the Book of Common Prayer, 1979
Prayers for Vigil at time of Death

Kitchen stuff

Stolen from Mrs. Badger

In the kitchen with...Ann

Variety is the spice of life.
In my cupboard, I have this many spices: 2,000? I don't know. too freakin' many some days.
Rack or no rack? no rack - racks are for wimps and people WAY more organized than I
Alphabetize? HAHAHAHA!
Which spice do you use most often? Assuming salt and pepper don't count: taragon, wait - basil(fresh please), then again there's marjoram. I cannot pick one of my little friends. It would be like picking my faorite pair of shoes.
Which recipe? Have you met me?

It's like the pot calling the kettle black.
Coffee or tea? Tea
Do you make coffee at home? Steve makes coffee. I have no idea how to make coffee and have to call someone else everytime I attempt it.
If you make tea, loose or in bags? Both.
How many kinds of tea do you have? between 1 and 49

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
I use my stovetop: every day.
I use my oven: several times per week.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
Soy or cow? None for me, thanks.
Skim or whole? skim is what's in the frig
How many gallons a week? 1/4 at the most

Three items in my freezer (right now):
Vodka
soft shell crabs
cookie dough

Three things in my fridge (right now):
white truffle oil
Olives
crab dip

Item I am most chagrined about:
anything that I have thawed out, changed my mind about cooking that day and left to go bad. Boo!

Item I bet noone else has:
Fresh block of New York White Cheddar purchased at the Eastern Market this week-end

Sad news

HONOLULU - Legendary crooner Don Ho, who entertained tourists for decades wearing raspberry-tinted sunglasses and singing the catchy signature tune "Tiny Bubbles," has died. He was 76.

He died Saturday morning of heart failure, publicist Donna Jung said.

Ho had suffered with heart problems for the past several years, and had a pacemaker installed last fall. In 2005, he underwent an experimental stem cell procedure on his ailing heart in Thailand.

Ho entertained Hollywood's biggest stars and thousands of tourists for four decades. For many, no trip to Hawaii was complete without seeing his Waikiki show _ a mix of songs, jokes, double entendres, Hawaii history and audience participation.

Shows usually started and ended with the same song, "Tiny Bubbles." Ho mostly hummed the song's swaying melody as the audience enthusiastically took over the familiar lyrics: "Tiny bubbles/in the wine/make me happy/make me feel fine."

Combine this news with the fact that it is tax day and there is no real reason to get out of bed today.

And what kind of day are you having?

I thought I was having a good one, but then Blogger ate my previous post. Apparently it was not blogger worthy, and therefore, was banished. That's OK - it really wasn't some of my better work.

Speaking of work, I am back at the grindstone today. The only thing that is making it bearable is that I have lots of Tito Puente on my iTunes today. That, and the fact that it is Friday the 13th so I am giving all the therapists a rash of stuff about all of the crazies they will have tonight while they are on call. They come in here to dance around to my Tito music and, so, I must abuse them. It's the price they pay for basking in my hipness (in reality, it is the price they pay for basking in Tito's hipness. I am merely hip by association).

Unfortunate Sharpie Girl actually came in and told me that she was glad I was back and seem to be feeling better. AND she did not have on her fake pony tail thing today and I complimented her on her hair (that whole positive reinforcement crap don't you know). She seemed somewhat pleased and left before saying anything that made me want to rip her lips off. SUCCESS!!!! By this time next year she will be an elegant young woman with impecible taste and class - my own little Eliza Doolittle!!!

I am officially sick

I have been to the doctor and it is been confirmed that I am officially sick. Now I can get down to the real whining.

I have an antibiotic and some cough medicine that will Help Me Sleep. I think that this is code for: "You are going to take this, fall into a deep coma-esque sleep and have incredibly freaky dreams. But you will feel better when you wake up four days from now."

Cool.

WANTED: Nursemaid

Wanted: one nursemaid for 46 year old big baby

Qualifications: Must be able to withstand pitiful whining about not feeling good. Ability magically appear with a new kleenex box and a glass of orange juice a plus. Shark soup preparation non-negotiable. (if you do not know what shark soup is, please do not apply)

Education: MD required as patient is clearly a delicate flower; unless you are my mom or husband. Then you have the innate ability to make it all better.

Salary: my undying gratitude. In the case of Steve Seely, turn about is fair play.

Fax resume and 37 references to BR549, attention Big Whiny Baby.

A side trip down memory lane

I just found out that it is the 60th Anniversary of "Good Night Moon."

I cannot recall how many times I read:
"Goodnight room. Goodnight moon.
Goodnight cow jumping over the moon.
Goodnight light, and the red balloon..."
to a sweet sleepy child. I know that Erin, stickler for detail that she is, would always catch me if I tried to leave anything out. John Forrest would have preferred the Bruno the Beagle book, but was a good sport about hearing another story.

I understand that the book has been made into a video. I think is a crime against humanity and whoever came up with this horrible idea should be spanked and sent to bed with absolutely NO story.

Thanks Sweet Pea and Doodle Bug for giving me those nice memories.

Hallelujah

Next year at Old Durham...

Oh you got to have friends!

This morning, after a glorious Easter, I returned to work and joined in a discussion on "The Sound of Music," which was on last night. I mentioned that it was the first movie I ever saw in a theatre. One of the more unfortunate people who work here (unfortunate for me anyway) commented, "Damn! How hold ARE you!?!?"

Gasps were heard throughout the building.

One of my little therapist friends (the one who bought the black wedge sandal like a good little grasshopper) jumped in the middle of all that and read her the riot act! I mean the tent was up and people were coming to Jesus - it was that good of a rave.

And then Grasshopper said the most cutting thing she could think of: "And you can't have lunch with us ANYMORE!"

This nearly did me in - I just started cracking up!! Shunned from the lunch table - the SHAME!

I told them that if they did not act nice that I was going to make them HOLD HANDS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. And you know I will, don't you children of mine? I told them I was even going to make them hold hands at the MALL like I did my kids when they acted like goobers. I even offered to let them use my cell phone to call my children to verify that, yes, I had indeed scarred my children's psyches by making them hold hands when they were fighting. They were no end horrified and fussing abruptly stopped.

Then Unfortunate and I (did I mention that she is also Sharpie girl? Yes, she is the Unfortunate Sharpie Girl) had a chat about why she is always making a big deal about my age and I think that we came to an understanding. More to follow....

A rant

Yes, I know that I have blogged today, but Erin will just have to suffer through because I need to put this out in the world.

Actually this is all Erin's fault because she told me that she had an Easter egg party at her house on Thursday evening for someone who had never dyed eggs before. (There's a lot that could be ranted about there, but I digress).

I decided that I would dye some eggs to use along with the pansy centerpiece for tomorrow's event. We all know how I love Easter. It rivals Christmas and that is certainly saying something since we all know what a fool I become at that time of the year.

Like Christmas, there are certain things that should never be changed about Easter. Just like you don't all of the sudden change Santa Clause to Santa Herman, you do not change the names of the colors in the Easter Egg dying kit. Is nothing sacred to you people (you meaning the people at Paas)? Blue is blue. Don't be changing it to "denim." "Teal" does not mean green. What are we going to do when the children of America go to school and tell the teacher that the Blue card she is holding up is "denim?" Are we changing Orange to "pumpkin?" Purple to "aubergine?" WHERE DOES IT END?

I say right here and right now. Join with me in my letter writing campaign to change the colors back to their real names. Here's the address:

PAAS
c/o Signature Brands LLC
100 South Fourth Street, Suite 1010
St. Louis MO 63102
1-877-726-8793


Teal indeed.

Strange and wonderous things to behold here in Southern Maryland

We woke up today to 2 inches of snow. While this is a boon for those seeking brightly colored eggs, it does not bode well for the super fantastic leopard peep toe wedges that I was planning to wear with my Easter ensemble. Yeah, that's right... Lent is OVER baby!

On to other sights that amazed and confounded:

Yesterday while driving through La Plata, minding my business like I always do, I saw something that was at the same time hilarious and very sad: a gentleman on a Hover-round going through the drive through window at the liquor store. I am choosing to think that he does not do this on a daily basis, just for special celebrations throughout the year. Because if I thought this man hovered to the brew through on a daily basis it would make me very sad indeed.

Abby, I am waiting on pins and needles for the Sephora report - don't leave me hanging!

Sad but true

OK - so I am slowing down

Apparently, some people think that I am blogging way too often these days.

It is just that I have a lot to say and so I do.

But in the interest of some people, I will slow down to no more than once a day.

I must warn you: Those posts may become epistles. Just sayin'...

The Rev. David MacDonald pours holy water on a 15-foot Celtic cross that had just been unveiled by Gloria Heisserman on Sunday at Christ Church, Durham Parish in Ironsides. Raymond Cannetti of St. Mary’s City carved the cross from a 3,600-pound block of Indiana limestone. Jon Dye of White Plains did the drawings. Heisserman and her husband, Bill, own the Solid Rock Co. and donated the stone to the church in memory of their daughter, Kristin, who died in a car accident at age 24. The designs in the cross represent not only Celtic tradition, but that of Charles County, with crabs, sturgeon and even a tree frog and mayfly.

Ornament of the World

Finished this last night. It is all about the Andalusian area of Spain where for 700 or more years Jews, Christians, and Muslims lived in peace and the strides that were made in many areas such as science, philosphy, medicine, mathmatics, etc by this co-habitation. Nothing like a good Inquisition to ruin the mood.

Andalusion poetry (yes you can find this on i-tunes) sounds very much like how the Psalms were probably originally sung, and flamenco came from this area.

This is the end of today's lesson!

Now I am reading some fiction: The God of Animals. I will, of course, let you know what I think.

The end is near

For all of you that haven given up something for Lent, you will be happy to know that Lenten fasting ceases after Good Friday services.

I just hope that the stores are open late enough for me to purchase these super fantastic incredibly frivolous shoes from Dolce and Gabbana. I think they are just the thing after a long shoe drought.

Just for my little friend Abby

Professional Mini Heated Lash Curler
This can't-live-without lash innovation is perfect for curling stubborn straight lashes anytime, anywhere.

Simply turn on, wait 15 seconds, place comb directly onto lash line above lashes, gently lift and comb lashes into the desired shape (as you would with a mascara brush), hold for one or two seconds, then release. Repeat across lashline until the desired effect is achieved.

Just in case the hair dryer thing doesn't pan out.

Are you taking Friday off to attend this most monumental moment in Memphis history?

Another silly meme

10 FAVORITES
Favorite Color: yellow has been my favorite color my entire life I think.
Favorite Food: I am sorry there is no way I can narrow it down to one - raw oysters are at the top
Favorite Month: November
Favorite Song: Of all time? or currently swirling around in my head? How can I answer these things if I don't know the real question here?
Favorite Movie: Princess Bride ("Prepare to die")
Favorite Sport: football
Favorite Season: fall
Favorite Day of the week: Friday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: anything with chocolate
Favorite Time of Day: Right when the sun is about to set and I am snuggled up on the couch with a fabulous book and an adult beverage in hand

9 CURRENTS
Current Mood: meh
Current Taste: What? What does that mean?
Current Clothes: beige jeans, black long sleeve T with skull-cross-bones-heart thing going on, jean jacket, black ballet flats
Current Desktop: Picture of Steve feeding Theo chocolate pie
Current Toenail Color: Opi "I'm really not a waitress" red
Current Time: 12:57 p.m.
Current Surroundings: my extremely messy office
Current Thoughts: It is 80 degrees outside. MAN I wish I wasn't at work!

8 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: Christy Chavez
First "date": I am sure that involved some dance at Del Crest Junior High
First Screen Name: Transplanted Okie
First Pet: a dog
First Piercing: both ears
First Crush: Billy Montgomery, kindergarten boyfriend
First CD: don't remember.
First Broken bone: none

7 LASTS
Last Cigarette/Cigar: I remember having a Macanudo after one of the golf tournaments at Quail Creek, but I don't think I have indulged since then.
Last Car Ride: Coming back to work from lunch
Last Kiss: Right before I left home to come to work.
Last Movie Seen: at the theater? Chronicles of Narnia
Last Phone Call: Nick Harville from one of my committees giving me a rash of crap for beating him out of getting a donation from someone (it was a good thing!)
Last CD Played: "Chick Music" of my own personal making

6 HAVE YOU EVERS
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: define "dated"
Have You Ever Broken the Law: yes
Have You Ever Been Arrested: not so far
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: many times
Have You Ever Been on TV: yes
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: squick. OK how about I have I ever kissed someone I thought I knew and them they turned out to be a total a$$hat? That's a question I can get behind.

5 THINGS
Thing You’re Wearing: earrings
Thing You’ve Done Today: oh dudes, WHERE DO I START?
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: The therapists party it up in the lunch room
Thing You Can’t Live Without: family
Thing You Do When You’re Bored: Watch TV

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY
1. Home
2. Work
3. CVS
4. That covers it

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
1. Steve
2. Betty
3. Alicia

2 CHOICES
1. Black or White: black
2. Hot or Cold: hot

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
Spoil my grandchildren.

Sharpies

I love Sharpies. I'm serious. I love Sharpies! They come in all colors, they come fat and uber-skinny, they write on everything. What's not to love?

Having cleared up that I hold nothing against Sharpies themselves, I will tell you what you should NOT use a Sharpie for: eyeliner.

No, I didn't do this, but one of the brain trusts that work here has announced that she is using a fine line Sharpie for eyeliner these days. I haven't looked closely, but I think she is using black. I would not put it past her to get one of those multi color packs and match her eyeliner to her shirt.

Next she will be using the brown one to outline her lips and fill in with her extremely frosted pink lipstick. Or fill in her eyebrows. or draw big red circles on her cheeks for "blush."

Maybe I will suggest these beauty tricks to her because that would just be too good to be true to come in and find that waiting for me. Pictures would have to follow, natch.

Eat, Pray, Love

Finished it this afternoon. LOVED it, mean it. There were several places that made me, literally, laugh out loud.

On to Ornament of the World.

April 1 • Palm Sunday

From “Behold Your Mother” in Alive and Loose in the Ordinary: Stories of the Incarnation by Martha Sterne. © 2006. Used by permission of Morehouse Publishing, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. www.morehousepublishing.com.

Palm Sunday some years back in Atlanta, I don’t remember which. But we are doing our thing—having our annual dramatic reading of the passion story, and it is going particularly well this year. We practiced hard and it shows. The narrator is great. Jesus knows his lines. And then the part comes when Pilate says what he says every year. What do you want me to do with this man? This is the signal for the whole congregation to get in on the action. And the crowd yells, CRUCIFY HIM! CRUCIFY HIM! Bloodcurdling effect. Very satisfactory.

And while the crowd’s pretended rage is still ringing in our ears, from about two-thirds back in the pews, comes a woman’s voice bellowing. NO. NO. NO. Not my Boy. No. Don’t. Not my Boy. And then sobs throbbing through the air to break your heart.

We are appalled, deeply appalled. What had been an audience is becoming something else. What is happening? Somehow 400 observers are transformed into a body of witnesses. I crane my neck and see that someone sitting near her comforts her. Well, thank God. They look for all the world like Mary and John lost at the foot of the cross, her head collapsed on the shoulder of her pew-mate, whose name, I remember, is actually John.

We sit in silence, all of us, for a timeless time. For what had been a well-done scripted and rehearsed play has become anamnesis, has become Real Presence. And the veil of the temple is torn in two. She is there at the foot of the cross. Perhaps you would have diagnosed her as mentally ill or maybe drunk—but she is there and she is our host and takes us there too.

What if we had ushered her out? What a loss. But we didn’t and she was peculiar and beautiful and rich with gifts to give and plugged into the power like I’ve never seen before. Where else would such a woman belong on Palm Sunday during the Passion of Our Lord but in the Body of Christ?